Some thoughts on kids in worship...

At EMBC on Sunday night we had five baptisms. Was a great service! During the service I got was having some fun with one of my friend's kids, singing and dancing, drawing and watching the baptisms. My friend's kids are fab, and though lively they are not disruptive, or at least I don't think so. Her friend was also with her, along with her son. Watching their faces at times as mothers made me cringe though. It was as if they were worried about what they're kids were doing as if they were doing something wrong ... and it made me see again afresh that at times we as people in congregations are the ones who have made them feel that way. Thankfully Sunday was a place and type of service where my friend and hers could relax more about what the kids were doing, but this is not always the case. We love kids, so we say, we love them in our services ... as long as they sit quietly! They're kids, what do we expect!!! Now that's not to excuse badly behaved children, but rather to say that kids are kids and would it not be better to engage them like that than expect them to be older than they are ... I mean in reality, how many of us sit quietly through a service anyway ... at least no-one in the section that I sit in at church!

Engaging with my little friend in a way she related to helped her enjoy worship, helped her express some creativity, and made the service an enjoyable event where I'm chosing to believe God met with her in some way. After all, though six she evidences more faith than some others I know in her lifestyle!

Was reading this yesterday in Paul Fiddes Tracks and Traces. Though the chapter is about baptism, his point here is discussing children in worship and in our services:
Although they [children, especially believing children] are dependant on others in ways that adult believers are not, this does not mean that the whole body cannot learn from them. Indeed, the faith of all cannot grow without listening to their witness.
This is true even with very young children, and worship can be enriched by truly integrating them within it. I do not just mean 'having a talk for the children', which may be quite inappropriate for any but the older ones. I mean listening to their contribution to worship. For one period of the worship at least, it is good to have the whole fellowship together. As the youngest children cry out in frustration or anger or tiredness, we can take this into our prayers: we can hear through them the crying of children throughout the world, many of whom are crying through hunger, or because they have lost their parents in war, or because they are being abused. It is a loss to the prayer-life of the whole congregation when parents have to take crying children out, or feel under pressure to do so. For ten or fifteen minutes at least their cries can become our prayers of intercession. As young children laugh or giggle, let us listen and try to re-capture the sheer unspoilt enjoyment they take in the world, and its absurdities - even those of the minister. Let their laughter help us laugh before God. As slightly older children ask questions, or make comments in loud voices, let us not hush them, but think about what they have said: let their questions, asked without the slightest worry of appearing foolish, become our questions to God in prayer, for God showed the greatest truth through a cross which seemed to the wise to be sheer foolishness.
These are just some examples of the way that children on the way to faith can deepen our worship of God, as they are embraced in the fellowship of the body ... Children belong because of the grace of God that goes ahead of us. (pg. 135)

May our churches be places where all the ages, including children, meet together to worship God as we are and as we are being made ... and may we engage with each other in true fellowship (koinonia).

Personal freak-out moment!

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

Ok, so its been a while since I've blogged ... been really busy! Today I'm sorting through some Youth Alpha stuff ahead of it starting a week on Sunday (!) but thought I'd take some time to actually write here.

Today is my last day of being 24. I have this whole thing, always have, of the week before my birthday counting down the days like this ... this is my last Wednesday being ___ so lets make this the best Wednesday yet. However, this year I've been having a little personal freak-out about my birthday. Tomorrow I turn 25 ... and as everyone keeps telling me, that means I turn quarter of a century.

QUARTER OF A CENTURY!!!

That sounds old! That is old!

This week though as I've been freaking out (ok, so been doing the freaking out about the quarter

of a century thing for longer than a week!) I've also been really aware of not only getting older, but standing on the brink of a whole new season in my life. Sure, I pray that by next year I'm in a new place where God would have me, wherever that would be. Yet somehow this time feels very much like the start of that new season as the preperation continues. This is my final (I hope) year at college full time. This is my final year (I pray, but in a good way) year at East Mains full time. In two weeks I go before the BOM (!) and depending on how God leads there depends on how some things progress.

I remember years ago I was faced with this huge challenge while at a camp. I was working with YFC and we had taken a group to Fort Rocky, an outdoor adventure weekend that also looked at how Jesus had come to give us life to the full. At this point I should really mention that I am scared of heights, and when I say scared what I really mean is petrified. But standing at the climbing wall with my group of girls who were scared too I did the good leader thing, faced my fear and climbed up the wall with them. At the top though the activity leader then asked for a volunteer to do the Walk Of Death ... ok so it wasn't really called that but it might as well have been. After having their ropes re-jigged, the volunteer was meant to walk face first back down the wall. No-one volunteered (big surprise!) ... and before I could stop myself up went my hand and out of my mouth came "I'll do it!" I stood on the edge of that wall for ages, it really did feel like an eternity, and my life really did flash before my eyes at the same time as all these doubts and fears and questions flew through my mind. Eventually though I stepped over the edge and had an amazing adventure as I experienced a real adreneline rush, doing something I could never have imagined for myself.

The way I felt then is a little like the way I feel just now. Like I'm standing on the edge as my ropes are still being re-jigged fit for stepping over the edge. The only difference is that this time I know for sure that God has my future in His hand. I know I'll be stepping into an adventure with God that I could never have imagined for myself, but is most definately the best adventure for me. If I'm honest, at times I have little personal freak-out moments, like I'm having about my birthday. If I stop and think about it too much then what I feel God's calling me too seems utterly crazy!!! It's almost like I want to ask God, do you know me??? I'll mess this up, I can't do it, I don't have all the skills or giftings for this. But actually, that's the point. On my own I don't. In reality, for me to be doing anything like this at all is testimony to the power of God, for it is only through Him that I can do anything. Sometimes I freak out about not knowing how things will work out, where I will end up, how God will cause it all to happen ... because I like to be in control and know what's going on. But God is continually teaching me to rely on Him more and to trust in Him more fully ... for He is able to be trusted, totally faithful and good.

Ahhh, today is a little bit of a freak out day! But today is also a day when the promises of God take on even more life in my life.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

Interesting reading...

Stuck in the house ill at the moment ... not good, don't do ill too well, get too restless. Using the time to do some reading and planning - when my brain not fuzzy that is. Still reading The End of Words by Lischer as I didn't take it with me to SS. Here's two interesting quotes from the second chapter I've been pondering today:

"If scripture is ever again to be a living source for theology, those who practice theology [and preach] must become less preoccupied with the world that produced scripture and learn again how to live in a world scripture produces. This will be a matter of imagination, and perhaps of leaping."
Luke Timothy Johnson quoted on page 52

The preacher is like a gemologist who turns a precious stone this way and that in order to capture its brilliance, much in the way that rabbis sought to bring out the "perfection" of the text. The interpreter/preacher rotates the passage against the light, viewing it from every angle until it discloses the glory of God, which for the believer has already been revealed in the face of Jesus Christ.
page 58

We're back...

So, after a long week trying to keep dry and warm (for the first time ever had real rain at SS!) we got back from Soul Survivor safely. In the end that meant 3 mini-buses, a van and three cars (with three other cars leaving early). The week was really different to every other Soul Survivor for many different reasons, some of which I'll share later. But for now, its safe to say that I've come back from SS ill, and so off to bed I go until such a time as can blog my thoughts when I can think clearly again. Before I do though, thanks to all of you who were praying for us ... we appreciated it and we felt the effects of your prayers ...

One more sleep to go!!!

Off to Soul Survivor in the morning - need to be at EMBC at 6am!!! Apparently according to some of the guys the trick is not to wake up fully. That way you can go back to sleep as soon as your bus starts off. Me, I'm too excited to go back to sleep! Usually I'm too excited to sleep to well the night before at all!!

Not sure of the final numbers of 'us' yet, but reckon maybe 58 or so. Think that equates to three mini-buses in the end, a car (with an extra two coming later) and a van. This year we're splitting into 'Tribes' to look get duties done and make sure people are looked after. Is a great idea, know it will work well.

So, what am I looking forward to and so excited about? Well, love this week because of the oppertunity it is to worship the Triune God and catch a glimpse of God's glory, God's power and God's heart. Every meeting we go to something happens. The Spirit falls and God's glory, grace and power are manifest - in both visible ways and invisible ways. You're left in awe and wonder, sometimes face down, others times dancing in the aisles. In the course of the week you find yourself moved to tears and weeping in repentance as well as laughing with joy and assurance of God's very presence with you. Every year we see young people apprehensive at first either come to know Jesus for the first time, recommit their lives to Him, or explode in worship in a new-found way. While its primarily for the young folks we go with, each year God in all His goodness does as much in leaders as He does with the youth.

I'm looking forward to the seminars. Getting a chance to hear thoughts on things you don't always. Hearing voices who think differently than you and challenge your perceptions, or at times think in similar ways and you realise perhaps your not crazy after all, or the only one hearing God speak this word at this time for this season.

I'm looking forward to the time together. I'm looking forward to the time to catch up with specific friends over coffee (and perhaps cake), some of whom I see all the time here so will be nice to have some 'deeper' chats, some of whom I rarely see because they live so far away so will be nice to spend time with face-to-face as opposed to only on the phone. I'm looking forward to the time we spent together as a YF group. Tents, meals together, games in the afternoon, sitting around chatting ... we care for each other, love each other, encourage each other, pray for each other - and when we come home we build on that and continue to do all that stuff.

Yahey, only one more sleep to go. Tell you what happens when I come back ... I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so excited!!!

One of the joys of college is all the reading ... one of the frustrations of college is all the reading!!! At times it can feel like I'm only reading certain parts of things in order to write an essay, and other times its totally gripping and you're able to run with a thought into several books in a 'proper' fashion. However, summer becomes a valuable time, a time to do all the reading you wanted to do but couldn't; a time to read all those books you passed on the shelves day after day and longed to pick up but had to remind yourself that there really are only 24hours in a day!

Reading one such book at the moment, though it is doubling as research as might be able to use it in a dissertation. Not too far into it yet, but was reading this about preaching today and it really hit me deep. It made me think about my preaching, and even my 'general' ministering, and what kind of preacher and minister I want now to commit to be. The book is Richard Lischer's The End of Words: The Language of Reconciliation in a Culture of Violence (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2005). Here is what I was reading:

When ministers allow the word of God to be marginalized, they continue to speak, of course, and make generally helpful comments on a variety of issues, but they do so from no centre of authority and with no heart of passion. We do our best to meet people's needs, but without the divine word we can never know enough or be enough, because consumer need is infinite. We are simply there as members of a helping profession ... no seminarian or candidate sets out to minister with such reduced expectations, and not everyone succumbs to this scenario, but ultimately the marginalization of the word of God fractions it into a hundred lesser duties.

pg. 23-24

As a young minister in the making this is an important thing to think through and bear in mind in order to be one of those who does not succumb to that lesser-ness (if that is even a word!). One of my pastors once wisely said that our role is to bring God into situations and spiritually guide in that sense. He was talking in relation to knowing where 'boundaries' may lie in the sense that while you may counsel, you are not a counsellor etc. Yet in relation to what Lischer is talking about it also makes sense. If as pastors part of our 'job' is to bring God into situations and spiritually guide then the Word has to be central to that. When that is lost or becomes misplaced things have gone seriously wrong! While that may seem obvious, I pray that it is something that stays with me as I grow into ministry more.

On a different, yet perhaps related note - this is what I was reading relating to preaching that I thought was also worthy of note:

In the act of preaching something dies and something rises. What dies (or should die) is the preoccupation with the self that plagues so many performers. This death is ironic, since some sense of "self" is stimulated by God's call in the first place and is necessary for public speaking ... Today's preachers are heirs to the twentith century mantra, "Be yourself!" Preaching is "truth through personality", but the two elements in Philips Brooks's famous definition have become so entangled that they are [often] indistinguishable from one another. And whenever there is a conflict between truth and personality, personality always wins [not good] ... What also dies in the act of preaching is the scavenger hunt for novelty that drives many sermons ... What rises is the remarkable synergy of the spoken word and the life of the baptized community, which in the parlance of Isaiah is the gift of a "new thing."

pg. 35-36

Now thats an exciting thought! Especially in relation to my thoughts about preaching as prophetic witness. As Lischer notes

The prophets are uniformly annihilated by a conversation with God, only to reappear as powerful individual performer's of the word on God's behalf.

pg. 35

Now if thats what a death to self and a need to perform for praise leads to in the rising of a sermon that is the synergy of spoken word combined with the Word within the life of the community then perhaps, just perhaps our experiences would be more like that of the prophets ... annihilated regularly but annihilated in a way that leads to life-giving words, though various in nature. Now that really would be preaching experienced as prohetic witness!!!

Today was spent with my head in commentaries. Not a bad day was had. Preaching on 2 Corinthians 5:11-21 on Sunday. What has re-grabbed me as I read the commentaries and saw where my thinking at the moment fits and may not fit so well was the sheer grace of God. Now, you would think this is not a new idea for me. And it's not! However, as we all know there are times when we are either re-struck or struck in a fresh way with something that somehow over time we have begun to take for granted.

'What is stressed in the present passage is the amazing grace of God revealed when he himself took the initiative in Christ to remove the obstacle to reconciliation existing on his part. It is only on this basis that there exists a gospel of reconciliation by which humanity can now be called to be reconciled to God ... The ministry of reconciliation is primarily the proclamation of what God has done.'

God has, in Christ, reconciled us to Himself ... that blows me away. But more than us, God was, in Christ, reconciling the whole world to Himself. The way is open for those who will to walk in (yup, Arminianism strikes again). No wonder Paul could say that now Christ's love compels him!

The sermon is not ready yet ... but my mind is on over-drive. More to follow I'm sure.

On a separate note, while at the library I was having some fun looking through books for dissertation ideas. Am considering doing something on the nature of the prophetic in preaching - something about preaching as prophetic witness or embodiment or something. Anyways, was re-reading the intro to a book about Martin Luther King Jr. as may do a case study of some kind possibly. While re-reading came across some quotes that I just thought were fab:

'During this period [his early years and first pastorate] he also learned to preach - not only to speak but to become an actor for his people and to assume the larger roles of prophet, evangelist, and, last of all, suffering agent of redemption.' pg. 6

'A sermon is a cultic performance of a biblical text among people who identify themselves as Christians.' pg. 8

'Perhaps King's greatest spiritual gift was faithfulness to his vocation to preach the Word of God in all circumstances, including personal danger and declining popularity ... King never produced a social blueprint for America, but, because he was a preacher, he never quit trying to shape a "congregation" of people that would be capable of redeeming the moral and political character of the nation.' pg. 12

The Preacher King: Martin Luther King Jr. And The Word That Moved America
Richard Lischer (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1995).

Who am I really?

Was away at camp all last week (brilliant!) and so have spent tonight filling out forms that should have been in last week. Among them are personality-typing tests. As I'm filling them out wondering what it is I'm actually saying about myself, I'm finding that I'm consistently inconsistent, or so it appears. Is that good? Is that 'normal'? I don't know!

A tired wee Mo ...

Realised today that I am more tired than I thought. Yes, physically tired, but more than that, am mentally, emotionally and if I'm really honest slightly spiritually tired too. This year has been a long one, but I think for the last few weeks I have been running on adreneline really, certainly emotionally and physically. Now though, I'm just tired and in need of rest. Real rest, not just a 'day off' kind of rest. Soul quenshing, empowering, envisioning, peace-filled, grace-filled rest.

Was preaching on Sunday. Used Psalm 91. Though we went in a few directions, some of the points involved knowing how to use your tools and their power (declaring), knowing who to team up with (God ... obviously) and knowing who to listen to (again ... God ... duh!).

What I found so interesting was that the first part of the Psalm involves declaring and there is real power in that. As someone who get the power of words thing, who tries to get the 'what happens in the heavenlies and in the unseen realm' thing, this was great. But what struck me, was that in the end God declared who God was and what God would do. The first word was human and the last words were God's.

So I am tired ... I am weary ... but I turn to God who is my refuge and my strength ... and I say come and speak your 'last word' to me ...

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
Jesus (according to the NIV, lol)

Flat-sitting fun...

Am flat-sitting for a couple of my close friends at the moment. As much as I love my family, I am so loving and appreciating the time out on my own!!! Plus the flat is absolutely gorgeous (like show-home but lived-in in style), so thats an extra bonus - feels a bit like having a mini-holiday.

Has got me thinking though. Wonder where I will be living in a year, well in just over a year. In just over a year I finish college. Applying for ministerial accreditation at the moment, which means if the BoM confirm the sense of call to ministry that I (and others) do, then come the new year the next step will be looking to 'settle' somewhere.

Settle ...
Somewhere ...
Mmmm ...
Wonder where that will be ...

Will it be in Scotland???
In the north???
Central belt???
East coast???
West coast???
Small church???
Big church???
Where will I be living???
Mmmm ...
Somewhere ...

As I finish my last assignment (ok, lets be more honest, begin putting my 'notes' into some form of essay) of the year I enter my last summer as a student ... as one somewhat 'unsettled.' Have begun to talk more of leaving and now things at church have to be planned in an awareness that this is the last year I'm around and things including me have to be done with that in mind. It's not that I'm desperate to leave, far from it - EMBC is my home, EK is where God called me to when I came back from England - but talking about begins the work of preparing my heart and mind, as well as the others around me.

Suddenly the 'what will I be when I grow up' is becoming so much more real and so much more a question of 'who am I becoming as I grow up'. I know God has somewhere for me ... I just don't know where. I know that the plans God has has for me are plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future ... I just don't quite know what they are or what they will look like. I'm thinking about it all so much more now, and as I flat-sit (such a small thing) I realise I am ready ... or at least am being got ready ... for moving out, growing up and maybe even becoming an adult. Who knows where and doing exactly who knows what - but in a years time or so maybe God will have made that clearer ... and I am excited to be on the journey!

Book signing fun...

Yup, today I officially became someone's fan. One of my favourite authors, Jodi Picoult, was doing a book signing in EK. So, for the first time ever I stood in a line for what felt like forever just to get those two seconds with her so she could sign my copy of her new book Handle With Care. When I got there I even sounded like a total fan too, gushing about how much I enjoy reading her books. I know she hears that kind of stuff all the time, and despite telling myself I would not sound like that total book geek fan ... it just poured out my mouth.

Was it worth it? Totally!!!

Off to start it now. Hope its as good as all her other books I've read...

Normal blogging will resume shortly...

Handed in my spiritual development journal this week. Despite only doing two modules this semester still feels like college can be a little crazy sometimes. But now that the journal is in normal blogging will be resuming shortly.

Now for some motivation to go write another essay - perhaps Starbucks might provide it, lol!

Having been encouraged to put lyrics together with paintings to enhance worship in one of my classes, this was the image that came into my mind as we worshipped on Sunday night using this beautiful Stuart Townsend song.

How deep the Father’s love for us,
how vast beyond all measure
that He should give His only Son
to make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss.
The Father turns His face away
as wounds which mar the Chosen One
bring many sons to glory.

Behold the Man upon the cross,
my sin upon His shoulders.
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there
until it was accomplished;
His dying breath has brought me life.
I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything:
no gifts, no pow’r, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ:
His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart:
His wounds have paid my ransom.

Reflections on preaching experiment ...

So in my last post I explained a little about my experiment in preaching ... the round-table stuff. Well, Sunday morning I preached what I believed God had given me to share as a result of that and my own study and prayer ...

... had not been too well over the weekend, and so awoke with a fuzzy head, but not sneezing as much etc. In fact by the time I got to church was feeling well improved and while preaching there was no fuzziness at all ... God is good!

Aside from that though have spent the past few days reflecting on the process and what happened in the event of preaching itself. Was using the sermon to bring an end to the Walk Across the Room stuff we had been doing, aware that all the church had had themed sermons over the past four weeks even if they had not partipated in groups. In order to do this I used a recouring theme of defining moments, sharing some of my faith story in about a minute (or two!) like we had been looking at in previous weeks, as well as using that to springboard into defining moments for the first disciples. Rather than walk through the whole sermon just now, you can listen to it from EMBC's website http://www.eastmainsbc.co.uk/sermonsmarch2009.html

One of my most frustrating moments as a preacher is at the end of the service when people leave ... especially in EMBC. I say that not because I don't like the people, or because I don't enjoy that time ... I do ... but it frustrates me beyond belief because what I hear time and time again is "well done, you did good this morning." Now I know that these well-meaning folks are trying to encourage me, especially since for many of them they have known me since I was a wee baby. However, when I hear that I want to shake them and tell them "Don't tell me well done, tell me about how God met with you this morning." That's what I want to hear, not well done!!!

So Sunday morning as I stood at the door I got some of those usual "well done's" and I restrained the urge to shake them ... but then the most frustrating time became one of the most encouraging. People began to engage with me ... people began to tell me how God had met with them ... and as I moved into the Village Centre Hall it continued even more.

Now, on one hand there seemed to be no real reason for it ... yet I've been wondering if perhaps there is. Perhaps some of it can be explained by who spoke to me ... people who hadn't known me since I was a baby. Hmmmm. Perhaps thats helpful ... they've known me for years some of them, but still I have never been little Morag to them. Therefore perhaps engaging with me was easier ... perhaps they are just more use to hearing me now and I'm now save to engage in conversation of that sort.

However, on my mind has also been the fact that perhaps it is because the sermon emerged out of conversation with other folks in the congregation. The wee small group that I held that round-table with had wrestled with the text and though we had some similar insights, there were also things they saw I didn't or that they felt were important but I perhaps wouldn't have concentrated on. The sermon when being prepared was faithful to what I felt God was saying, but also to the conversation we had had ... and in that sense the sermon for the congregation, the word for them that day, emerged not solely from the pastor but from the congregation itself. When I stepped out as part of the congregation to bring the word I stepped out not only as part of the congregation but with the word of the congregation in some way that I have not done before. Perhaps that was the key to unlocking other people engaging with me in conversation ... that is where I'm leaning more. And one of the most brilliant moments was when one of the group said that not only had they felt I had stayed true to the conversation, though they knew what I was preaching on, they met with God and heard things in new ways.

This new way of preaching is something I want to engage in more and I'm really interested to see how on a slightly more regular basis this might help shape not only the preaching but the engagement the congregation have with the text and how it is lived out. I'm not sure quite how I can put this into practice yet, as I don't preach that often, and I sense that I would have to do it at EMBC at the moment where I know the people and the people know me, but it is definately something I wish to persue at some point in some way. One week was good, but for it to really be round-table collaborative preaching, it does need to be more than a one-off. Excitingly I even have other people interested in being part of the process when I do it again, a great encouragement that there is an interest and opening for this type of preaching.

Apart from the different style and process of preaching, I also changed how I looked when preaching. As one of my pastors pointed out recently, I'm not really a girlie girl, and out of sheer stuborness not to be boxed and labeled I decided to preach on Sunday in a skirt for the first time. As it is such an unusual occurance for me to wear a skirt, people tend to comment, and so I wore a skirt the Sunday before in order for people to get the comments out the way and to prepare them for me wearing a skirt. Interestingly it worked, no-one commented apart from my gran and a friend. I had thought it wouldn't be that different but it was.

On a practical level I had to wear the shoes I planned on wearing as I was going over the sermon on the Saturday because they were diferent to the boots I normally wear and I found myself standing differently and walking differently. When I preach I move about a fair bit and use my hands all the time. On Sunday morning I still used my hands all the time, but I didn't move around as much. Hmmmm. I hadn't expected it to change my delivery at all, but actually I found it did. I found that I didn't speak with the same 'authority' as usual, and at a couple of points in my mind had to remind myself that I had authority to preach this word that I believed God had laid on my heart. I'm using the word authority here, but its not quite conveying what I mean, yet is the best word I can come up with, so I pray you are getting what I mean. Now some might say that was a totally imagined thing. But as it was something that hadn't crossed my mind before I don't think it was. Something about wearing a skirt changed things for me in ways I wasn't expecting and had to react quickly too with the Spirit's help. Overall the experience of preaching in a skirt was good and is something I'll do again, but with an awareness of the above so that I might deal with it beforehand next time around.

Looking forward to the next time I am preaching at EMBC to see what happens as I repeat the experiment ... and I wonder what would happen if I used a 'harder' text ... hmmm.

Experiment in preaching ...

Being at college is good for me - though sometimes at one in the morning while working on a paper I might not think so. My thinking, my feelings, my theology, my understanding ... all of this and more is constantly called into question and given room to grow.

And so grow in preaching I am trying. Took a Creative Homiletics class last semester (another way of saying creative preaching) and through it explored many new, inovative and contemporary forms and styles of preaching. It was one of my favourite classes so far, totally engaging.

Trouble is though that perhaps as a full-time pastor in a church the time required to try some of these new styles and techniques is slightly lacking. Talking to my pastors, while there are some things they would love to try ... just finding the hours to prepare a sermon in their normal style or way can be difficult enough.

That's one of the reasons I love being at college. Who but a student might have time to try something different, knowing that if it goes horrendously wrong, then there is still a pastor above you to mop up the mess (and take the blame!). So when one of the pastors asked me a couple of weeks back to preach this coming Sunday morning to help them out I jumped at the chance. Not been preaching much recently so any chance I get is a welcome oppertunity ... but as its my home church its also an amazing oppertunity to try something new.

Am trying an adapted version of round-table preaching, or collaborative preaching as it's also sometimes known. Basically the preacher meets with a small group of folks in the congregation who have also wrestled with the passage to be preached and together they discuss it. The preacher (or someone else) takes notes, and out of the discussion the main points to address and tackle in the sermon emerge. Experiences other than merely the preachers are discussed and revealed, all to the benefit of the whole.

Now for a preacher as I discovered this can mean giving up some control, as well as not jumping in with all the exegetical stuff you may know. But it is a worth-while experience, especially if we say that all can not only read but be part of the process of interpreting the scriptures.

And so in an adapted form I have gathered a small group together that have been wrestling with Matthew 5:1-16. I told them it would be an easy passage to begin with, but as we discovered it may not be as easy the first glance tells us ... after all who fancies being persecuted. But in our wrestling and discussing we met with each other and God and came away feeling encouraged and energised. We met in Starbucks, in the middle of the town centre, sitting in nice comfortable seats by the window in the middle of a bustling cafe and shopping mall, with open bibles, open hearts and at times open mouths. And in the midst of it all I got a real sense of the presence of Jesus right there with us, as if He were sitting there not only listening to us, but watching the people passing by.

Tomorrow the sermon that is a result of it will be preached and I really believe that God has things to say to us at EMBC through the passage we'll be looking at. As I sat back in Starbucks on Thursday preparing though I was struck by another thought. The sermon is for Christians primarily, and there is nothing wrong with that. The purpose and function of it is to encourage them, and again there is nothing wrong with that. But as I sat and typed away, again in a comfortable seat, again in the window, again stopping to watch the people passing by, I wondered what kind of different sermon I would be writing if those that I had engaged in conversation with had not been Christian. And I wondered what God would want to speak to the people that were in the cafe where I was preparing. As I wondered that I was filled by an intense love (only word to describe it) and desire to tell them this is how God feels about them, and that he longs to have a relationship with them where they know Him as He knows them.

Tomorrow the folks at EMBC will hear (I pray and sense) God remind them that they are (not might be or if they do this will be) salt and light. If we lived in that identity I wonder how many more people in Starbucks would know there is a God in Heaven who loves them and died for them ... I wonder if I really lived in that identity how many more people would know. And that thought re-challenges me as we end the Just Walk Across the Room teaching.

It was a good and helpful experiment for me ... watch this space to see how Sunday goes ...

Psalm 51 and Good News ...

So today in one of our classes we were exploring self-examination. To do this one of the things we had been asked to do this week was a particular exercise on Psalm 51. As we were sharing on of the folks shared that the way they found most helpful to do this kinda thing was to prepare a sermon. I've recommended his blog before now, but this is the link to the his reflection / sermon on Psalm 51 that he preached recently http://scottishjewishbaptist.blogspot.com/2009/03/not-quite-sermon-on-mount.html

For me today this was Good News. This was grace and passion and forgiveness and the chance to once again come before God aware of who God is and who I am, while at the same time knowing that part of who I am is now a new creation because of what Christ has done.

Thank you for the Good News! I wasn't in a bad place, but it did move me immensly.

As for what I was sharing last week ... hmmm God has been giving me some more insight regarding my reaction to the preaching worshop and my insecurities over this past week. Not fully 'fighting fit' again, not got it all straightened out quite yet, still working through some stuff ... but as I realised once again last night when thinking about how to share 'my story' at our Just Walk Across The Room, I am so different from who I was when I was 19, from when I was 21, even from who I was last year ... and that's a good thing. Even being able to spot signs and question what is going on is good. I'm a work in progress ... but there is progress ...

Last night someone was commenting about where myself and another friend thought we might be if we weren't Christians. Their point was to encourage us I think, but it lead to perhaps not the most helpful or useful talk. One thing was clear for both of us ... can't imagine trying to live life without Jesus ... so glad I'm not. That is what makes all the difference in the world for me ... that is what is transforming me!

... and its round the mountain I go again ...

Frustrated ... annoyed ... disempowered ... used ...

Yup, am off for another trip around the mountain as God continues to teach me lessons I need to learn ... lessons I thought I was beginning to get a handle on ... but turns out am not. Hmmm, here we go again, maybe this time I'll actually remember them as we go ...

The horror of relaxing the belly ...

Today's been one of those funny days filled with a strange mix of things ... one of which was attending a preaching workshop this afternoon held over at Glasgow Uni.

The workshop was part of a lecture series entitled 'Preaching Jonah' which involved 'playing' about in a variety of ways using the biblical text of the Jonah narrative. The person leading it has taken different acting classes, so many of the techniques he was showing us today actors use before going on stage and we as preachers can use before preaching. The first thing was about becoming aware and relaxing different parts of the body ... breathing ... belly ... jaw ...

... belly???

Yes, you read right, belly. Apparently by "just relaxing it and letting it hang out" (what was it he said, oh yeah, "everyone has a pot-belly unless your 14, so relax") we enhance out lung capacity. Hmmm, didn't know that. Has something to do with it being relaxed rather than tense. Yet for me this raised a whole different set of issues ...

My mind automatically screamed "NO" at him!!! It didn't take me more than two seconds to realise where that response was coming from. As someone who has suffered from 'eating issues' related around control, self-esteem, and self-image telling me to "just let it hang out" is one of the worst things you can say to me!!! The whole time we spent focusing on that made me intensely uncomfortable, distracted and ill-feeling. It became such a hard excercise and took much self-control to attempt to engage with it. At the same time my mind was screaming at me "where is all this coming from? I'm meant to be ok with all this stuff now!"

While I may not suffer from the issues in the same way that I used to by any manner of means (evidenced most easily now by the fact I will eat in front of people now - though I still dislike people watching me eat - as well as my steadying weight and stomach development), I realised today that I am still as self-concious about my body. If I'm really honest its not that I didn't know that before today, more that unless your doing something obvious like we were its really easy to hide the self-conciousness from others and from self. Suddenly I was totally shoved out my comfort zone ... the safety of all the normal things I can do to hide my fears, insecurities, nagging and persistant thoughts ... I was watching people to see if they were looking at me, which most of the time they weren't in reality ... and then if I did catch someones eye there was a split second where I imagined what negative comment would be going round their head ... and then I was mad at myself for that process taking place at all.

As I write it I know it sounds utterly ridiculous, but it was honestly what was going around in my head. I realised I still live in such a way that my natural position is to pull in my stomach, only not doing that at times if sitting forward and totally unaware of it. I realised that I had to face up to the fact I had been trying to deny ... that recently those old tendancies and thoughts have begun to plague me again.

It's not that I'm going to revert back to my old ways of not really eating for days or anything like that ... those thoughts are slightly easier to take captive of when they come into my mind ... I do not want to go through that again, nor get to a stage where it would be worse than it was before people stepped in to help ... but perhaps my self-image and self-esteem issues are not as resolved as I liked to believe. And I know that if I do not deal with them, then in reality the 'not eating thing' thoughts becomes much harder to dismiss and easier to entertain.

Mmmmm, has left me with some thoughts to ponder tonight and some praying to do. Funny how little things spark off bigger things isn't it. The man leading the workshop thought he was asking us to let our belly's relax in order to increase our lung capacity ... for me he was asking something that helped me realise that the thoughts I have been having recently need addressed, as my immediate negative response conveyed. Mmmmmm

Morning prayers ...

Prayers this morning at college was a stunning theological reflection based around Jade Goody and all that she is facing at the moment. Was led by our college principle and for those of you who may be interested you can read and engage with it on his blog, the link for which is http://www.livingwittily.typepad.com

Reason for the lack of blogging ...

Have been blogging a lot less recently (though as some tell me I'm not always that regular a blogger at the best of times). Thought I'd give some quick explination. No I have not stopped pondering things. No I have not stopped writing. Yes, I am a student.

One of my classes this semester is Spiritual Development, and one of the assessments for the class is to keep a spiritual journal for six weeks. Now on week three, and some of what is in there is the king of things I would usually write here. As such I thought it best not to include them here at the moment. That and the other stuff thats in the journal taking up quite a bit of my spare time to write and keep together, so appologies for the lack of consistent blethering. Normal writing will resume soon!

Last night's baptisms...

Well, Sunday night saw seven people getting baptised in EMBC. Was an amazing night - trying to fit everyone in you could literally feel the excitment rising.

Couple of my friends were among those getting baptised. As they shared their testimony I was struck by one of those 'wow' moments. For example, one of them has been a Christian for a year and a week now. She wasn't a particularly bad person before or anything, but to see the change in her in the last year has been utterly amazing. God is doing so much in her and you just look at her and see potential for the so much more that God has still yet in store. Anyway, my 'wow' moment was that kind where you hear what's going on, when you hear people's stories, and you just have no words other than 'wow'.

Wow, only you God could have made such a difference in the lives of these people. Wow God, only you could have drawn us all together tonight to celebrate. Wow God, only you would take a 'dunking' and make it hugely significant ... allowing for a physical demonstration of the new reality that has taken place on the inside. Wow God, how awesome are you!

Recently there have been a few moments when, for different reasons and in different ways, it has felt like I was in the middle of a holy moment. When all my senses came alive with a very real awareness of God's presence. Last night was one of those moments. And all I can say is 'WOW!!!'

Lent begins and so in a sense does my detox ...

So lent begins tomorrow / today ...so what am I giving up I hear you ask? Well, coffee and chocolate (which made my friend tonight by telling me he'd be coming nowhere near me for six weeks!). Why? Well, for me coffee (and to a slightly lesser extent chocolate) are addictions for me, and I mean that quite literally as my body lets me know when I do not have it. Had been sensing God saying that that was what I needed to give up because it would cost me something, and after some resistance (me giving up coffee is not a pretty sight for a while, be warned, prayer needed) I've surrendered. So for the next six weeks (40 days) coffee and chocolate will not be consumed in any way, shape or form. The money that is saved on this will be donated to a charity at the end of the time - it won't be much, but God can turn the not much into something.

However, while giving something up is important, I remember a practice that the folks at YFC used to build into what we did at Mid-Year Retreat which always took in the beginning of Lent. The practice was not only to give something up that would cost you something (that is in part the reason we give things up at this time) but also then to take something up for the same period. So the thing that I am taking up (other than by natural consequence taking up or rather in a detox) is meditation. Unpacking that some, I realised during my placement how much I squeeze out time meditating on the Word, savouring it and digesting it, rather than merely reading for information, sermon points, or in the time left over after other things have been done. Yet the Word is something that really does need to be reflected on and savoured if I am going to live it out and let it clothe me.

Therefore, for the same period that I have no coffee I will have more meditation. Time that would be given over to coffee and my 'sanity' time will now be able to be devoted to creating time and space for meditation such as lectio divina or centering prayer and other forms if 'spiritual reading' of Scripture. Time and a new rhythmn will hopefully be developed, something that in six weeks should help form new habits for me, something I could certainly use. And in those same six weeks perhaps an addictive habit will be broken.

So please bear with me in love if for the next few days my moods are all over the place ... I am aware that may be the case and am praying it will not. Please keep me accountable as I try to build new habits and make meditation something that receives not just the time left over, but some of my best time. And please get excited with me as God speaks new (and perhaps reminds me of old) challenges, encouragements and all kinds of other things into my life and perhaps even the lives of others.

Next steps and holy friendships ...

Well, have been back from my placement a week ... and what a busy week it's been! Started back college, celebrated birthdays, met with friends for dinner, met with other friends for coffee, went back to work at the cafe, had first Sunday back at East Mains ...

I loved my placement. The churches I was with were fab and I learned so much when I was there. Having a female minister and supervisor made such a difference too - can't begin to say what a blessing that was!

One things I've realised in the time away, and through various conversations, is the importance of holy friendships. By that I mean the kind of friendships that shape you. There are various types of friendships, people that you're close to on a variety of levels, all of whom are needed. But then there are those friendships, often extremely intentional, that you simply can't live without. These are the people you share with the most openly and honestly, the ones who challenge and encourage you, the ones you share joys and sorrows with. Some of these will be the kinds where you share 'ministry' or debate and discuss 'theological tuff' with, yet equally some you won't. And one of the things every woman in ministry I spoke to shared was how much they needed those networks of other women they had developed - the holy friendships they had found in each other. In truth, while networks of women are needed like that, getting together with men that you have that kind of friendship with too is also equally as important. Holy friendships are the kinid in which together you shape each other, seeking the best for the other and together journeying to be and do all God calls you too, as you conform more fully to God's image.

None of this may make sense to people, but it makes sense to me. The time away was good for me to re-evaluate friendships and re-remember those friends that I have that kind of friendship with (you all know who you are!). It has also reminded me of my need for them, and without being big headed or anything, their need for me, for friendship is a two-way thing. I think what I realised is that all the stuff that I do may be good stuff, but if I'm not also intentionally taking time to cultivate and maintain those holy friendships then actually my growth is stunted. So that's one of the things that will form my next moves as I come back from placement - making sure my holy friends know how much I value them, and intentionally cultivating time to spent deepening relationships with them.

Blog recommendation ...

I know many of you read this blog just to see what I'm up to rather than comment on my thoughts. But for those of you who may be interested one of the other students at SBC has begun to bog too. Ron has insightful comments and theological musings that you may be interested in. Check out his blog, Musings of a Scottish Jewish Baptist, at this address:
http://scottishjewishbaptist.blogspot.com/

Snow days ...

Stevenage, like most of the country has suffered from heavy snow fall this week. While at home I am told life has carried on as normal, here it appears things grind to a halt pretty much when the snow comes. Schools have been closed, some shops haven't opened, some people are unable to get to work, and some of the groups I'm working with have been cancelled.

However, as a result people have been around to enjoy and make the most of the snow days. After getting over being ill at the begining of the week, I too managed to enjoy the snow. I adore snow, its like I become this big kid dancing and getting all excited. Anyways, has much fun sledging (and falling over trying to get back up the hill!), having snow ball fights, and walking. May even add pictures if I can get them on my laptop at some point.

Who said placement wasn't all fun!!!

Young people and passion ...

One of the (many) books I'm reading at the moment is Practicing Passion: Youth and the quest for a passionate church by Kenda Creasy Dean. Challenging read and I'm only a few chapters in.

In seeking to develop a theology that takes seriously the Passion of Christ and how that is to be embodied in the Church, drawing young people into it, she asks some brutal questions of the way things are. While at times it is nice to hide behind the fact that she is American and writes about American churches, it is a hiding that leads to further passion-less-ness (is that even a word!).

The key is not just reading Scripture and reading youth and culture, but developing a new or rather re-newed theology. After all, 'Theology that takes passion seriously offers a "portal" between Christianity and young people, a crucial link between the lived experience of adolescents and the historic practices of the Christian community.' (pg. 25)

Young people are passionate. Rather than discourage that or label them rebellious, problematic or whatever other title, Dean suggests that actually its a time where because they are so passionate they are most open to God and to joining in God's story. Yet if they do not see it lived out in us as youth pastors, youth workers ... or in reality any of us who claim the title Christian ... then they see that it is a passion not worth dying for, and therefore not worth living for.

Reflecting some on this it makes sense as to why so many young people responded at the youth worship event on Friday night, despite the oppertunity to respond in that manner being new for so many of them. What God had laid on my heart to speak to them appealed to their passion, precisely because God's call to radical discipleship appeals to passion, and points to the Passion of the One we seek to follow. It spoke of something, or rather Someone, beyond themselves. It spoke to their passion to make a difference. Of course they responded! In part what happens after depends on how we continue to allow them to excercise their passion, not discounting the work of the Holy Spirit in them. In part what happens after depends on what we do too. 'The theological challenge youth pose to the church is blunt: Are we who we say we are? Do we practice passion, transformed by a Love who never disappoints, and live by a faith so convincing that we stake our lives on it? Or are we just another sagging social convention, like Dracula, that needs young blood to survive?' (pg. 25)

How different would youth ministry be if we took that challenge a little more seriously? In all honesty, does it even enter our heads?

I end with the words of Dean again (pg. 25):

What of the passion of God makes a difference, not just for the way we approach Christian doctrine, but for the way we go about Christian ministry itself? What of mainline Protestantism's disappointing track record with young people (in and beyond the church) has not been primarily a failure of models, educational strategies, historical cycles, or institutional support, but a failure of theology? Is it possible that the "problem" facing youth ministry reflects all too accurately a malaise infecting mainline denominations generally: a flabby theological identity due to an absence of passion? That would be ironic. Most young people come to us brimming with passion. Could it be that, instead of fanning this youthful zeal into holy fire, we have more often doused it, or drowned it in committee meetings?

Hmmm, have we? Just how passionate are we?

Quote of the day ...

Over time, profound synergies develop between vital congregations and excellent pastors in which congregations, pastors, and wider communities flourish in vital ways. Excellent pastors are gifted at calling laity to vital discipleship and helping them live their vocations faithfully in the world, in educating their congregations through theological leadership in worship and teaching, and in shaping a vision for a way of life that reaches beyond the walls of the church. Strong congregations cultivate a life together that inspires and requires gifted pastoral leadership, taking risks and posing questions that raise the standards for what is possible and needed for the life of the community.

Resurrecting Excellence: Shaping faithful Christian ministry
L. Gregory Jones and Kevin R. Armstrong (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2006), 22

Oh, that I would be such an excellent youth pastor!

The art of holding people ...

Had pastoral ministry described to me recently as holding people. As a pastor you're job is to hold people both inside, and when called upon outside too, your congregation. You hold them in the presence of God as well as holding them as you lead them to God.

While this image requires some further reflection, as an image of what pastoral care is and does I really like it. After all, it never begins or ends with us, but with the One to whom we entrust those we hold, for they are really His, and actually at times it is He who entrusts them to us.

Hmmm, just an image and thought to ponder ...

Prayer for my preaching needed ...

Ok, I know it's late ... I still have other stuff I wanna do before bed as well, so is really gonna be a late one. However, have access to internet just now and so am using it to my full advantage, lol.

Firstly - CONGRATULATIONS to those baptised in EMBC on Sunday night. I hear from many people that it was an amazing night and God's presence could be strongly, tangibly felt, woo hoo!!! I'm praying for you all as you continue in your journey with Jesus and I can't wait to see the video of it when I come back.

Have just come back from another form of leadership meeting tonight. Am observing so much here, but what I sense most of all is that this is a church that at its heart passionately loves God, loves people and is seeking to live the Jesus, Kingdom, way of life. As a student who is getting to see all this and is able to comment on things that they either don't see themselves or think is just how every church does things it's great to be able to encourage them. What goes on here is what L. Gregory Jones and Kevin R. Amstrong call excellence in ministry - not perfect, but beautiful none-the-less. They say in Resurrecting Excellence: Shaping faithful Christian ministry that 'beautiful ministry both calls forth and demands the very best we can provide; it calls for excellence in all that we are and do.' (p.g. 20) That is what I see here, and it inspires me.

However, on a different note am suffering from every preacher's worst nightmare ... preacher's block. Am preaching twice this weekend. Once at a new youth worship event that's been set up (Friday night) and once on Sunday morning at the church plant (well, its really a church in its own right - just without a constitution). I have absolutely blinding passages from the Sermon on the Mount, so really its a preacher's dream.

At the youth event have the beattitudes as my theme and through that will be calling the young people to radical discipleship with an oppertunity for them to respond to that as well as an oppertunity for young people to become Christians if that's where they're at. Have sensed what I feel God wants to say, and have a first draft, but am totally unhappy and unsettled with it. Not sure how it needs to change, but it does ... and fast! I think the difficulty is finding some of the points of connection, because it really is a wide-ranging congregation that it's for. But thinking as I write, its more than that. It's putting it together in such a way that it doesn't become a rant or an exegetical sermon that misses the excitment of following Jesus in the risky way that He calls us to. Ahhh, in my head I know what it should sound like, but on paper its not there yet. That's tomorrow's job and prayer is much appreciated for it!!!

Sunday morning is more than half way there, and is from the passages in Matt (4:18-22; 5:13-16) where Jesus calls the first disciples and then calls them to be salt and light. Am going to be looking at what it meant to be called as a disciple of Jesus (Rob Bell's Nooma dvd - Dust really helped solidify what commentators also point out but what we often miss), and then the fact that Jesus called the disciples salt and light before they had ever done anything. He spoke and called out of them the potential that God had placed in them, He believed in them. Those will be the kind of ideas we'll look at, seeking to encourage the congregation so they know who they are and both the command and promises included in these passages.

Am really excited to be preaching again ... feels like its been ages. I love it! Literally love it! It's such a priviledge and joy - especially when it's words like I feel God has laid on my heart for this weekend. But what we realised today is that I'm going to have to be extra aware of my accent. Most of the time people can understand me ok, but sometimes they really can't. Plus the speed I talk at doesn't help ... made worse by the fact I speed up when using any other form of microphone other than tie one (which is what I'll be using on Friday). Am extra conscious of these things here and really pray that nothing of me, whether accent or speed or anything else, gets in the way of what God wants to speak into people's lives. Watch this space for an update of how it goes...

Two weeks in...

Am now two weeks into my placement in Stevenage and loving it!

Here's just some of the things I have attended in some way, shape or form:

Weekly girl's small group
Weekly youth club callled Lounge
Sunday mornings spent with GACC
Sunday evening's spent at Revive
Twinkler's tot's group
Church member's meetings
Elder's and Deacon's meeting
Meeting with Senior Pastor about leadership, church planting and creative homiletics
Meetings with the Youth Pastor about youth work and all kinds of other stuff
Meetings with the Associate Pastor about church planting, leadership, her journey into ministry and the whole 'woman thing' (so grateful to her for that!)
Social action in the Great Ashby community
Weekly staff meeting
Reading / reflecting / writing
Discussions on what makes a Baptist baptist, principles and what we can pick up or drop
Loads of social stuff (ok, so thats not strictly placement time!)
Which has all meant lots of talking, praying, coffee drinking and eating ... I am one happy girl!!!

Am enjoying being here and have received such a warm welcome. Having time to read and reflect has been slightly unusual as normally that is done as and when there is time - am so grateful though to have that time here. Being able to share with people not only passionate about women being in ministry, but who are also women(!) is a great source of encouragement for me. Often it can feel as if there are no role models and you're walking the journey alone in some respects. Here I am beginning to see that is not so much the case, though perhaps as suggested some constructive anger about the state of things is needed.

Have read through an old Whitley Lecture this week S lent me, all about the history of women in Baptist ministry in the England (though there are some references to Scotland) and what it means to talk of 'women and ministry' today. All of this is really helpful in feeding into my continuing journey, as well as shaping my theology. So off I go now to do some more reading, reflecting ... oh and of course no coffee drinking!!!

Packing frenzy ...

Leave for my placement tomorrow morning. Have finally finished packing ... I think ...

Have had everything in the case ... then out the case ... then in the case ... then out the case ... then back in the case ...

I can be a nightmare when I'm getting ready to go away. Part of the trouble is that I like to be hyper-organised and prepared. That means that I start gathering stuff together days before I need to. Though it also means that I think I might need everything ... and the kitchen sink!

How do you decide though? What has value? How many books will I need? Can I survive without a complete make-up kit? Do I really need that top ... or that many?

You'd think I was packing to go away for months ... it's only five weeks!!!

Am excited but nervous! Think it will be great placement. I get to work with a female Baptist pastor (yahey!) who oversees a church plant. I get to work with some new young people. I get to stay with someone I don't know yet but that will hopefully be a friend soon. I get to hang out with an old friend some and re-get to know each other. I get to do a bit of small group stuff, a bit of preaching and leading worship, be at a lot of leadership meetings, and maybe even a bit of school CU-ing. I really sense this will be a placement I get a lot out of.

But as much as I get out of it, I also pray that I am a blessing in some way to the church while I'm there. They've been so great in allowing me to come join them for five weeks and get an insight into their lives. I hope that I can give back to them as much as I know they'll give to me.

Oh, have just remembered I forgot to pack the staple Gathering to Worship ... better try find some space while I remember ... oh, and there's my phone charger ... maybe I'm not as packed as I thought ...

Lord, wake us up ...

Finished my essay today exploring the strengths and weaknesses of ethical preaching as an approach to contemporary homiletics. Instead of being encouraged I actually felt discouraged. Why?

Well, have been having some interesting conversations recently with preachers and those training in preaching and theology. Mention the idea of principalities and powers to them, preaching as an ethic in itself, nonviolent resistance, or anything similar and they just stare at you blankly, think you're strange (though they may be right!), or just keep coming back to preaching on ethical issues. Even when you begin to explain people in general just seem so uninterested. Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Have begun reading Walter Wink's trilogy on the powers (thanks to the kindness of someone open-handed with their books and borrowing time-limit!) and as he argues both rightly and persuasively in the first book the language of the powers pervades the New Testament. Put Wink's book aside and just take a flick through a Bible and even in english that much becomes obvious. Wink's extensive study of the original language is concretising that even further and opening up passages I had never seen before.

Why, if we claim to 'preach the Word', and be 'Bible-believing Christians' do we fail to take this seriously or make any attenpt to engage? It seems absurd!

My recent reading of this term has opened up my mind and my theological reflections to begin to realise the need to engage more in the ethics of nonviolent resistance. This has lead to a re-shaping of how I view the practice of preaching, the nature of prophesy, the role of the church ... a whole load of things. My pastor warned me that going to college would mess with my mind, my theology and my life ... he was right ... but in a good way ... maybe.

While I have been re-shaping, re-thinking and re-imagining I have also realised how isolating it can be. As I discuss and reflect there appears to only be a few people who 'get it' are willing to engage ... or have even heard of certain authors etc. It's not that I think my thoughts are above or better than anyone else's, I guess I just expected not to be one of the only ones I know thinking these thoughts in this way.

Perhaps I am just strange. Or perhaps I am experiencing what I have one in several courses - that intense frustration that you just have to work through until you get to the otherside and can live in patience and hope again. Or perhaps borrowing the words of William Stringfellow more needs to be done in terms of 'raising the dead in mind and conscience.'

Why do we not take more seriously the principalities and powers? Why do we not see that Jesus preaching, and indeed his very life, was about nonviolent resistance in the face of these powers that inaugrated a different vision and way of life? Why do we spend so much time focusing on Jesus death that we forget His life was filled with meaning too? Perhaps it is because we are still held captive, or at least live in complicity, to the powers rather than in the resurrected Word that spoke redemption and life? Lord, wake us up!!!

Another Campbell quote ...

Ethical preaching, which seeks to renew the church's vision of the world, flows out of the proclamation of Jesus and is inseparable from it. Like the ripples that emerge from a stone thrown in a pond, ethical preaching moves from the new reality inaugurated in Jesus Christ to the new vision of the people of God. From this central proclamation of Jesus, preachers move out into the work of attending to the world and helping people see the world in new ways.

(Page 104)

Campbell's thoughts on worship as an act of resistance ...

Have spent today reading (slowly) more for my Creative Homiletics assignment. Re-read this in Campbell's The Word Before The Powers: An Ethic of Preaching to do with worship and the church as a community of resistance. Perhaps, just perhaps, my concience has been awakened enough from its slumber in the tomb where the stone has been rolled away, for this to affect how I view our church gathered tomorrow.

"In the context of the principalities and powers, Christian worship is fundamentally an act of resistance. As I have noted, what the powers desire most from human beings is our worship; they claim to be the divine regents of the world and to offer us life if we will only serve them... There is no more subversive an act where the powers are concerned than praising the God of Jesus Christ, who has exposed and overcome them...

... By it's very nature, however, Christian worship, even when distorted, involves some level of resistance to the claims of the principalities and powers. In gathering for worship, even contemporary mainline, privileged Christians join this tradition of resistance. Believers not only resist the countless diversions the powers offer up to keep us away from worship on Sunday mornings ... but they also embody their loyalty to the living God, rather than the lesser powers that seek to become idols. While the motives for participating in this practice are varied, and while participating in worship is often routine for many people, preachers can redescribe this practice and remind the church of the life of resistance in which worship implicates them... such redescribed worship becomes the context for nurturing the virtue of hope, which enables the church to resist the powers beyond the liturgy through its life in and for the world."
(Page 142-143)

Bring on the worship of the gathered community tomorrow! What are the words of that song we often sing at EM ... oh yeah ... satan is vanqueshed and Jesus is King. So come let us sing a song, a song declaring we belong to Jesus; He's all we need. Lift up a heart of praise, sing now with voices raised to Jesus; sing to the King.

Today's collect ...

Have been using Reflections for Daily Prayers, a wee devotional book, over the advent period. Wanted something different to the usual devotional readings I use, and so this seemed an ideal choice as it takes it's readings for each day from the Common Worship Weekday Lectionary (see http://www.dailyprayer.org.uk/ for more info). The rhythm it takes and forms has been really enhancing for me.

Today's collect is a particularly beautiful prayer:

Almighty God,
who wonderfully created us in your own image
and yet more wonderfully restored us
through your Son Jesus Christ:
grant that, as he came to share in our humanity,
so we may share the life of his divinity;
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and forever.

In the words used yesterday:
give us grace faithfully to bear his Name,
to worship him in the freedom of the Spirit,
and to proclaim him as the Saviour of the world.
Amen.