This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!!!

"Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father."

Jesus

What a challenge!

Speaking honestly, some days it feels like I shine out Jesus from every pore ... most days though it feels like I fail miserably.

That's been the theme of this weeks camp ... encouraging the young people to connect with God and then let their light shine for all to see.

Am sitting pondering that after speaking on it last night, and as I get ready to go back home again. As someone 'in ministry' (or hoping to be soon!) you're almost always expected to be close to God and shining. But sometimes that comes from a place of real emptiness I have to confess. Maybe it's just me, but sometimes it can feel more like an act than a genuine shining.

Was re-challenged myself as I talked last night about Jesus not only knowing your past, but knowing your future and the potential you have. Potential to make a difference in the world. Potential to enact change and tranformation. Potential to be different and be who God created you to be.

Alongside all this am reading Les Misérables in anticipation of seeing it in London next week (graduation present from my fiancé and celebration of our one year anniversary - how cool is that!). Though I love the music from it could only vaguely remember the actual story line, so reading it is really helpful. Can't get out my mind though the priest at the beginning. The way he lived his life shined light into the lives of others. He was generous, humble, kind, devoted, lived with integrity and spoke with honesty. All of this had an effect on the criminal Valjean as well as countless others. Not too far in yet, but can already see the ripple effect into the lives of others.

Let your light shine before others so they may see your good works and praise your Father in heaven.

We did a really cool night walk the other night in the pitch black, in what felt like the middle of nowhere. It ended up with us getting to this big clearing where one of the leaders light a candle and shared some thoughts on that verse in Matthew. Then there was an opportunity to respond by lighting a candle and placing it alongside, adding to the light, and asking God to help you to shine in the darkness. It was one of those holy moments ... totally silent ... people engaging with God ... no-one wanting to leave after. It was so simple and yet so profound as I placed my candle alongside the others. In the stillness of that moment I was asking God for boldness to proclaim Him, to shine, to bring light into darkness. That may be my 'calling' but I want it to come not from a sense of duty but from an overflow of who I am because of who I am through Christ. Because the question is what do people see when they look at me? Am I creating the kind of ripple effect that priest in Les Mis was? Do my 'good deeds' flow from a place of selfishness, where though it seems kind really I'm after the praise and recognition, or does it flow from a place of intimacy with my heavenly Father? I know which one I want it to be ... the challenge is for that to be the truth in my life ...

Gorge walking it through the tough times...

As usual it has been far too long since I have blogged!

This week I've been up in Nethybridge for Adventure Plus - a great action-packed activities Christian camp for teenagers run by the amazing team at Abernethy. My job has been to help speak in the evenings and its been a real priviledge to share the gospel with folks in a variety of ways.

However, as I'm not speaking every day I managed to get out on an activitity ... the gorge walk. I was here a couple of years ago and did it then too. I remember at the time, back before we went off, thinking about the gorge walking I'd done with school trips ... a nice little river, some trees to clamber over, but nothing too drastic. That's what I was imagining for this too.

How wrong could I have been! Heading down to the boat shed I'm issued with a helmet, wetsuit, wetsuit protector and a bouyancy aid. This was gonna be no walk in the park, easy adventure. When we got to the site and got in the water it was freezing! The water was gushing and climbing up rocks and through little bends and jumping off sections took so much effort and energy I honestly thought I wasn't gonna make it. But at the end ... wow ... what an amazing feeling ... I'd survived which really felt like a miracle!

Back to this year ... it was the best activity for me to go on 'cause it was only half a day, but this time I was prepared. This time I knew what to expect. This time I knew it would be tough so I stepped a little stronger and pulled myself up a little harder and jumped a little higher. This time I didn't just survive ... I had fun and enjoyed the adventure.

It struck me as we finished though and as we were preparing to speak on being healed and the cross and forgiveness and keeping going and all the other Christian stuff, that this is a lot like how it feels in life at times.

There are times when you've been coasting along or life seems as though its nice and settled, and then suddenly its a battle just to survive and keep on your feet with your head above the water. In those times it doesn't always feel like we'll make it, like we'll get through.

And yet somehow, some way, we do.

And when difficulties arise again, well we're a little more prepared for them than we were the last time ... and if we survived the last time perhaps its easier to believe we'll survive this time too.

I love (word used deliberately) the fact that as a Christian I know I am never facing things by myself but rather everything life throws at me is faced with God and in God's presence. He's promised never to leave me nor forsake me, no matter how tough life gets, and He's the One who gets me through. He's given me all I need and more. And each time life is tough, somehow its easier to face it ... because if God got me through last time and He's promised never to leave me, then He'll get me through this time too.

And even when it's tough, it's still the adventure of a lifetime. As the folks at Abernethy say "Live the dream!"

Challenge in unexpected places...

Am enjoying reading books that have been sitting patiently for some months now as college finished. One that I'm slowly working my way through right now came recommended in one of the Rwandan books I read earlier this year. Kay Warren is married to Rick Warren (Saddleback Church, Purpose Driven Life etc), and writes like she's sitting having coffee with you. It has to be one of the most challenging and encouraging books I've read this year, though I have to admit I did not think it would be before I started it. She talks openly about her battles with cancer, what it meant for God to break her heart and make her gloriously ruined and what it's meant for her to become involved in issues of justice and humanitarianism. Throughout the book she looks at what it means to confront evil, including the evil that we ourselves perpetrate, and what it means to look for the image of God in others, seeking to reach out to others as Jesus to them. I highly recommend it, though suggest reading it alongside someone else so as to encourage discussion and action.

So life is changing a lot again at the moment...

I got engaged on Wednesday night, so that's a major change for sure!

College is finished, just awaiting final marks for classes before graduation.

Am trying to discern where God is leading in terms of a job, pushing doors and seeking to be sensitive to the Spirit. All the while, Wes O are being great and keeping me on in my part-time role until I find something. Has been great to get back to EMBC the past few Sundays. Have missed being part of a consistant community over the past few months for a variety of reasons, so is nice to feel like I have 'come home' again ... and the fact that yet again there are loads of people in church that I don't know yet is an extremely hope-full sight.

It's funny. Have been preparing for a year to leave EK, and at the moment though everything is changing, I'm not moving anywhere yet. Went through a grief-style feeling almost a couple of weeks ago as college ended and the immense emotional roller-coaster of the past few months came to an end. Rather than thinking it was a stupid thing to be feeling however a wise friend told me to embrace it, and in the midst of it God encountered me in a deep way, bringing me back to my 'normal' self and back to life again in a lot of ways.

Now that I have some more time on my hands though, lol, I'll be starting to blog again. Need somewhere to get some thoughts out my head ... so why not here.

But not today ... today is a day for final prep for three services tomorrow (with three different sermons!), and to watch my new fiancé doing DIY in the kitchen, lol...

My life in a nutshell at the moment...

Ok, so realised not blogging much again this weather ... seems like when life gets busy this is one of the first things to go. And things do feel a little crazy at the moment!

In last semester of college at the moment ... trying to keep up with a course called Rediscovering the Triune God ... and write a dissertation on prophetic preaching and what it might mean to describe the preacher in this way. At the moment many nights are spent working past midnight and it looks like this will be a permanent feature over the next few weeks ... though my lecturer did realise that some of my writing the other night had been done in the wee small hours, so may need to remember to sleep sometimes too.

Have managed to make it to EMBC for one morning service so far this year - other than that I've been on placement (was great, loved it, fab formative experience!) or at other churches. Feeling slightly like a stranger and visitor, but they show me grace! Away the next couple of weekends but hopefully back worshipping with them soon.

Have started the search for a church to settle in after college ... that is going considerably slower than I imagined it might. This is not necessarily bad ... I don't want millions of options ... just the right one. Feel really strongly that I have to stay in Scotland ... which is great ... until great sounding job oppertunities appear south of the border constantly and I need to be reminded of the call to stay here ... prayers appreciated.

Work was bought over just before Christmas so beginning to see some changes being implimented. Again, a new season for us there too.

Trying to keep up with friends is hard, but great when it happens. Enjoyed a night out with some girlie friends last week and had such a laugh! One of only a few nights out I've managed to have with them this year, I really appreciated it and am so looking forward to the next one ... probably also including some more cocktails and singing (though I'm the interpretive dancer of the group ... I'm not good enough to be one of the singers), lol! Have become part of a discussion group which is also forming a kind of community for me. And of course, every now and again coffee with folks happens. More time to give to friends would be nice though, feel like some of my relationships (including at times the one with my boyfriend) are suffering due to my lack of time and availability. Know its only for a season, but as someone who greatly values relationships its hard and I miss the face-to-face contact with some folks.

Though life may be crazy and busy at the moment, it's still good. There is much to be thankful for, as well as much to pray for. There are many highlights mixed in amongst all the other stuff. Hmmm, my life in a nutshell at the moment ... some more thoughts on stuff more exciting to follow soon ...

Your love is everything...

This is a song that we've sung a couple of times at KCC while I've been there. Had heard it before, but for me this, along with some of the other worship songs that we've used which vary in style and content, is reflective of where I'm at just now and able to help me give verbal expression to some of the things going on. Many people have a version of it, including Jesus Culture, but think it was originally written by a guy called Chris McClarney.

Your Love Is Everything

When I am dry and thirsty Lord,

And I'm crying out for more,

I know I can trust in your love.

In the darkness in the night

When I'm starving for the light

I know I can trust in Your love

You keep no records of my sin,

and you don't remember all my shame.

Your love heals every disease

Your love fulfills my every need

Your love is everything to me

Your love is everything

I will not forget

I wont forget your promises

I will not forget

I wont forget your love.

I will not forget

I wont forget nothing is impossible

I will not forget

I wont forget your love.

Reflections on my time at Hand of Friendship

This is quite an honest and frank post, but about stuff thats been on my mind this week. Because of that I hope that those reading are able to read it recognising the honesty and vulnerability that is contained in it.

Have been doing some reflecting this week on the group Hand of Friendship that I have been going to while on placement, where everyone is welcome and has a place.

Being there has also forced me to face some of my own prejudice. Well, I’m not sure prejudice is the right word, perhaps fears and misconceptions would be better. While I totally believe in diversity within the community of faith, that the church should be a place where all people are accepted, in reality that often means I spent time with people who are ‘like me.’ Or pretty much like me. The church I am in normally, and many of the churches I have worked in or visited, do not have many people with special needs in them. I'm actually not to sure I like this, as it makes me question what it says about us and this is deeply challenging. Personally this means that, unconsciously almost, I had developed a fear of sorts. In all honesty I was not sure how to respond to people with special needs, not always sure of how to communicate, and while never being faced with oppertunities of this sort it went unaddressed ... not something I am too proud to admit really, not my greatest confession thats for sure. Until I came to KCC.

The first night I was so nervous but the first couple of girls in put me at ease, mainly because they just wanted to chat about ‘normal’ things like music and Christmas. As more and more people came in I realised that actually it’s not as hard as I thought to communicate in situations like this. It simply requires me to be me, allow others to be them, and to view each person as an individual of value. Thinking about that it seems so simple and I can’t understand why I didn’t get it before, but I’m glad I do now.

Though I may not agree with his choice of terminology in his book, I understand what Stanley Hauerwas means when he writes this about how folks different to us give us insights into how community can be enhanced and enriched as they
force us to recognize that we are involved in a community life that is richer than out official explanations and theories give us the skill to say. (p.g 213)
He goes on to talk about the richness that people with special needs bring to community rather than just being those that are seen to take from community or have nothing to input. That has been my experience through Hand of Friendship.

Through Hand of Friendship I am learning to value people, seeing through God's eyes and in the process I am discovering more about who I am. God is a creative God, present in the most unexpected places, and I am finding God in the faces and people at Hand of Friendship – through the clients, the helpers and the carers. 'The other' (the term banded about a lot at the moment to describe anyone not me) is not someone to be feared but embraced, valued and loved in the same way I love self and God.

There are not any verses as far as I can see specifically about people with learning difficulties or God’s thoughts on this. (If I'm wrong please hightlight them to me!) However, there are many about how much God loves the people whom God created, how Jesus died for all, about how Jesus is for all, and how all can be in relationship with God. People with special needs or learning difficulties may understand things differently, at times more profoundly I sometimes think (though in truth don't we all understand things differently to one another eh!), but they are most definitely included in that ‘all’ rather than excluded. For me, and the Christian community at large, to view them differently than that, or as less than being included in that all, denies both their personhood, God’s creation and God’s plans and purposes. This is quite a sobering thought, when confronted with my unconscious prejudice and fear.

Moving towards this understanding is deeper than simply a warm, fuzzy feeling, but a growing sense of the love God has for all people. The more that moves me, the more I am moved to be and share with people. This I think is what it means for some of my theories and theological ideas about community engagement, involvement and the faith community in general to have flesh put on the bones. It is no longer simply ideas but actions.
If we are to be a good community we must be one that has convictions substantive enough not to fear our differences and, indeed, to see that we would not be whole without the other being different than us. (p.g. 214)
As I learn to communicate in new ways, in new situations, I am also learning what it takes to develop and maintain community, good community. Community embracing diversity but still held in unity.

Intelligent Church and incarnational ministry

Am on my final college placement at the moment, choosing to go to Kilsyth Community Church. As a Baptist College student the choice of a non-Baptist church may seem strange, but its not a chance choice. The Associate Pastor has been a college colleague for a few years, and having heard loads about the church I was keen to go there and check it out. Have become somewhat interested in thinking, reflecting on and living out certain 'anabaptist' principles in an attempt to follow after Christ with integrity, authenticity and well, radical-ness. By radical though I mean total surrender, utter life-long and whole-life discipleship. This church in many ways lives this out. And so while not Baptist they certainly live out baptist ideals in many aspects of church life and witness. So my placement is working alongside their Community Outreach Co-ordinator exploring how they might develop some of the community engagement into fresh expressions of church amongst other things. As part of that my personal reading, reflecting and writing will look at some of the values and principles that underpin community engagement.

With that in mind I have been reading Intelligent Church this week, reflecting on what it means to be the Church. Radical church, which really shouldn’t be that radical, but often is because it looks quite different to what church can often look like, is incarnational in nature. It seems to me that there is amongst some church leaders, and congregations too, a move towards this kind of church, springing from a discontent at the way things are currently. In my thinking this week I have been unable to get away from the idea that actually intelligent church is radical in nature and perhaps the biggest principle that underpins this is that it is incarnational.

If God is incarnational, and the church’s task is to be part of God’s mission, this principle must become ours too. (Chalke, pg 39).

Incarnational in the sense that we get involved. God, in Jesus, took on human flesh and became part of humanity. God got involved in a very real sense in everyday life. God did it in such a way that everything was turned on its head and transformed. Everything in the Bible points to and leads towards Jesus, and everything after talks of the implications. And so if we are, as disciples (those who know what their teacher knows and do what their teacher does as they follow after the teacher), are to become incarnational it means we must involved. Get involved in a real way, in the nitty gritty of people’s lives, of the communities and places we find ourselves. It’s not a maybe, but a definite.

Sounds great in theory, but how do we do this? How does this become concrete?
Perhaps the greatest miracle of Pentecost is this: God chooses to speak to us in our own language. His is no one-size-fits-all policy. He comes to us. He begins where we are.
If the incarnation is God personally involving himself with his people, the day of Pentecost is God miraculously equipping the church to do the same. The rest of the book of Acts is the story of how the first Christians connected with the world, slowly discovering how to contextualize the gospel for each people group they encountered – to meet them on their own turf.
This same task remains the challenge for the church today: to start where people are, to engage in our communities, to embrace the public – in short, to speak their language. (Chalke, pg. 41)

It takes concrete form in the practices we live out. These practices of things like inclusion, loyalty, service become the principles that underpin both community engagement as well as authentic Christian witness. This happens with the realisation that, like the chapter titles of Chalke’s book point to, church needs to become inclusive meaning it may look quite messy. People’s lives aren’t sorted, and neither are ours, and so inclusion and messiness are natural and to be expected rather than feared. This is what happens when you begin to discern what the living Christ is saying and doing amongst people, for Jesus loved and included and cleaned up people. We do the same, but not from a position of condemnation and superiority, but rather radical attachment to Jesus and love of God, self and other. Tripolar spirituality as David Augsburger would call it.

I have seen this borne out in many of the different things I have seen this week at KCC. They tried to convince me that every week is not as hectic as this one has been, but I'm beginning to see that actually it is. And rather than being off putting I actually think that is quite attractive. It is not an easy kind of ministry, but it is transformational. The thing is though, it most definately requires getting out of the mind-set that this is a quick-fix kind of ministry, or one in which you see 'bums on seats' quickly. You don't! But you do genuinely walk with people, witness to Jesus and eventually as they begin to become open to Jesus (in part because of the way Jesus has been borne witness to by disciples) transformation of a deep and lasting kind begins to occur. It takes time and it takes a willingness to endure the pain and frustration of what incarnational ministry often means, but it also means being open to seeing God move in the most amazing and unexpected ways.

Hmmm, I love it! Just the idea makes me come alive, and so I'm forced to ask myself why. Is it because that kind of ministry meets any kind of need in me? Not that I can see, but perhaps because it seems to reflect tripolar living - genuine authentic discipleship following after Jesus, Lord of all.