Personal freak-out moment!

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

Ok, so its been a while since I've blogged ... been really busy! Today I'm sorting through some Youth Alpha stuff ahead of it starting a week on Sunday (!) but thought I'd take some time to actually write here.

Today is my last day of being 24. I have this whole thing, always have, of the week before my birthday counting down the days like this ... this is my last Wednesday being ___ so lets make this the best Wednesday yet. However, this year I've been having a little personal freak-out about my birthday. Tomorrow I turn 25 ... and as everyone keeps telling me, that means I turn quarter of a century.

QUARTER OF A CENTURY!!!

That sounds old! That is old!

This week though as I've been freaking out (ok, so been doing the freaking out about the quarter

of a century thing for longer than a week!) I've also been really aware of not only getting older, but standing on the brink of a whole new season in my life. Sure, I pray that by next year I'm in a new place where God would have me, wherever that would be. Yet somehow this time feels very much like the start of that new season as the preperation continues. This is my final (I hope) year at college full time. This is my final year (I pray, but in a good way) year at East Mains full time. In two weeks I go before the BOM (!) and depending on how God leads there depends on how some things progress.

I remember years ago I was faced with this huge challenge while at a camp. I was working with YFC and we had taken a group to Fort Rocky, an outdoor adventure weekend that also looked at how Jesus had come to give us life to the full. At this point I should really mention that I am scared of heights, and when I say scared what I really mean is petrified. But standing at the climbing wall with my group of girls who were scared too I did the good leader thing, faced my fear and climbed up the wall with them. At the top though the activity leader then asked for a volunteer to do the Walk Of Death ... ok so it wasn't really called that but it might as well have been. After having their ropes re-jigged, the volunteer was meant to walk face first back down the wall. No-one volunteered (big surprise!) ... and before I could stop myself up went my hand and out of my mouth came "I'll do it!" I stood on the edge of that wall for ages, it really did feel like an eternity, and my life really did flash before my eyes at the same time as all these doubts and fears and questions flew through my mind. Eventually though I stepped over the edge and had an amazing adventure as I experienced a real adreneline rush, doing something I could never have imagined for myself.

The way I felt then is a little like the way I feel just now. Like I'm standing on the edge as my ropes are still being re-jigged fit for stepping over the edge. The only difference is that this time I know for sure that God has my future in His hand. I know I'll be stepping into an adventure with God that I could never have imagined for myself, but is most definately the best adventure for me. If I'm honest, at times I have little personal freak-out moments, like I'm having about my birthday. If I stop and think about it too much then what I feel God's calling me too seems utterly crazy!!! It's almost like I want to ask God, do you know me??? I'll mess this up, I can't do it, I don't have all the skills or giftings for this. But actually, that's the point. On my own I don't. In reality, for me to be doing anything like this at all is testimony to the power of God, for it is only through Him that I can do anything. Sometimes I freak out about not knowing how things will work out, where I will end up, how God will cause it all to happen ... because I like to be in control and know what's going on. But God is continually teaching me to rely on Him more and to trust in Him more fully ... for He is able to be trusted, totally faithful and good.

Ahhh, today is a little bit of a freak out day! But today is also a day when the promises of God take on even more life in my life.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6 (NLT)