The Lectio Divina ...

Ok, was talking about examen prayer the other day ... well had a chance to put into practice the other kind of prayer I was learning about last night.

The Lectio Divina involves reading slowly and often aloud, until a word or a phrase begins to provoke you. Whatever that word or phrase is you stay with and pray into.

So, still having trouble sleeping at night. Still up 'till two and three in the morning at least. Last night was no exeption, and to add to it I had this really intense feeling of loneliness. I don't know where it came from, but have been experiencing it on and off recently. Last night was the worst though! God been giving me peace about being single, and wherever this loneliness came from it was deeper than just a longing for a boyfriend.

After a while of listening to music to see if that would help, an old song by Rebecca St. James came on. It's called 'Wait for Me' and is written by her as a love letter to her future husband. As I listened to it, it stopped being her singing it though, and somewhere within my spirit I felt Jesus singing it to me. You know, like His love letter to me.

From there I was taken back to the place where I fell in love with Jesus. it was as if I was sitting over a candlelit dinner with Him again, as we gazed and talked together. The feeling of loneliness began to fade away. As I listened to Him speak to me I recognised the words from a part of Song of Solomon:
'My darling, you are beautiful! Oh, you are beautiful ... among the young women, my darling is like a lily among thorns.'

Lying in my bed reading that again and again the words that kept coming back were lily and beautiful. God's been showing me over the past few months that I'm to be like a lily among thorns, a set apart young woman. Recently though I haven't always felt or acted that way. He was reminding me of what He thought. Being and feeling beautiful is something that I've always struggled with. Just last week I was sharing with Elaine about how, despite some of the things I've gone through over the past few months I was still eating. Not neccessarily feeling good about how I looked, but I hadn't stopped eating. She sent me the most beautiful card that Jesus had asked her to send to me to celebrate that. Again, it was Jesus way of reminding me that He thought I was beautiful. To Him I was special, and worth something.

It wasn't a loneliness for a boyfriend I was feeling, but a loneliness for Jesus. And so I went to sleep last night satisfied in Him. And guess what, today hasn't been so bad!

Was reading Song of Songs 2v3-13 today, and it just summed up everything beautifully for me!