A fresh challenge ...

Haven't posted in a while, which is all about to change again. Finding it harder and harder work to keep my personal journal at the moment, for a whole variety of reasons, so hoping this might work better instead.

Was reading someone else's blog the other day where they muzzed on blogging being a public reflection, and today he was thinking of it along the lines of prayer. Think this is what I want my blog to be about, reflection and prayer finding expression.


Finished reading the book about Rachel Joy Scott again tonight. Have been re-struck with how she was in her journals, how she poured out herself in them, being who she truely was. Rachel was killed in the Columbine high school shooting, 20 April 1999. She was 17, only two years older than me - but a whole lot older in her maturity and understanding of God than I was / am. In her journals she reflected about all that she was seeing, feeling, going through - she cried out to God from the depths of her soul and she praised God with the whole of her being. Rachel had a living and vibrant relationship with God, that found words in what she expressed through journals. Her parents only found her journals in the weeks and months after her death, and for them it put into words what they had seen in their daughters life. Letting us see them in the book (Rachel's Tears), they invited us into the life of their daughter, and I have been encouraged, inspired and deeply challenged all over again.

Yet, if she hadn't have died, I would never have seen them, and they'd never have had the impact on me they have. For many years she's been my little inspiration, but reading the book once more has brought it all to the forefront of my mind. I read it in order to write about her with accuracy for an American talk, but I think I have been challenged more than I will maybe challenge others. For weeks now I have felt like my relationship with God has lost it's vibrancy and intimacy. Mainly it's because it's me thats changed, not Him, and we're working on it together. Yet, it still feels like such a slog. I know it is worth it, and I can't imagine living without Jesus in my life at all. Reading the book though has just continued the challenge to get back to that place where Jesus is my all in all, and where He totally has my all - not just in lip service, but in reality. I guess thats it in a nut-shell, to have the reality of God in my life again.

Think thats why I want to blog again, why I feel challenged to journal (and in turn blog) again. That way I can publically reflect, and who knows, God may use it to speak to someone else. More than that though, for me it can once again be the prayer that used to be my handwritten journals. Where the reality of God being in my life can be explored and expressed. A place where I can cry out to God from the depth of my soul, and praise Him with my whole being too.

What I long for is a deeper, more intimate relationship with Jesus. If it's what I long for, it's about time I began to actively pursue it ...


Oh, and here's what the book looks like for any that may wish to read it. They come with a warning though - prepare to be challenged!

Rachels Tears
First book by her parents about her life and death, with journal entries throughout.
(The one I've just finished)

Rachel's Smiles
Follow up book by her dad looking at the qualities she thought could start a ripple effect, a chain reaction - things like compassion, love, kindness etc.

Type her name into a search engine and you have a wealth of information about her life, journals and art, and death - have a look for yourself. She has deeply affected the lives of loads of people, just like she knew God would somehow use her too.